Life’s bill has arrived
Look where we are…
Life has come to charge the bill…
Now think deep inside…
Did you think differently?
Now with clear sight…
Did you think it was fair to request that?
Where would be the line?
The disfunctional balance…
Being that she was always in disadvantage…
There would never be a common ground…
The fair respectful truthful harmony, right?
That pulsion… That will… To live other things…
To have your so many yearned yearning experiences.
How unfair is that, to submit someone else through that?
Where is the affective responsibility, the emotional intelligence?
I guess that was always broken indeed…
And she was there to compensate for both…
How cruel…
Cruel that she will have to go through something like you will.
Which she shouldn’t, she only did good, she only loved right.
She only believed, she did and gave everything to make it work…
She could see through, the real gem that there was in there.
The whole soul mate, love from another life, partners for life…
And I was never able to truly return it, to be there whole…
Even now while I watch her go…
I know that it’s something beyond me…
Or it’s too much a part of me…
Quite existential that won’t go away…
Where I can’t even pledge anything…
And I can just consent that she’s better off…
That there’s no salvation for me now.
The love was there, but the timing was off…
The construction was ruined from the start…
It was an extension of something that would ruin eventually.
Who knows if someday… Still, I can’t seem to forgive myself either…
Knowing what I’m putting her through now, and the scale of the damage.
How unfair.
—
Lastly, want some example? That’s even harsh to write about.
Look back and think how many times she and ‘us’ were a mention here…
It was always a sidetrack, taken for granted as the mainstream.
Living it all, loving it truly, but always yearning towards the outer side.
That has to say something. And overall, to her, I see only cruelty.
Towards the most incredible person I’ve ever met.
I shall live with that. Hoping she’ll be alright. Happy. Loved.
And that somewhere among all that, she’ll know it was real.
